Why Do Couples Fight?
Every couple fights.
But why does it happen in the first place? Why do couples fight?
There are a variety of factors that play into why couples argue. Sometimes, it’s the subject matter. Other times, it could be an underlying issue in the relationship. If you feel like you’ve been fighting a lot lately, digging deeper to find out why can make a difference.
We’re All Different People
At the end of the day, the biggest reason couples fight is because we’re all different. The things you love about your partner might be the same things that trigger arguments. We all have different personalities, needs, wants, and opinions. When those things clash, it’s easy to disagree and fight with each other about the smallest of subjects.
It’s not always going to be easy to embrace your differences in a relationship, especially when you’re angry with each other. However, recognizing that those differences are what make you unique — together and apart — will make it easier to respect them rather than look at them as something negative.
What Do Couples Fight About?
The subject matter, when it comes to arguments, is an endless list. Your fights could be very personal and specific to your relationship. Or, they could be more general and vague. Some of the most common things couples fight about include money, issues with family and friends, lack of intimacy, and different values.
The main reason couples fight, though, is a lack of effective communication. Most disagreements and differences of opinion can be worked out through healthy, respectful conversations. When a couple isn’t communicating properly, it can quickly turn a disagreement into an argument.
A lack of communication often leads to confusion, misunderstandings, and even resentment. You’ll start to assume you know what your partner is thinking rather than talking to them about it. Those assumptions can pick apart your relationship from the inside out.
Feeling Comfortable With Each Other
If you feel like you fight a lot in your relationship, don’t automatically assume it’s a bad thing. Some research has shown that the couples who are strongest and most in love actually end up fighting more.
Sound familiar? You might fight with your partner more than anyone else because you feel safe and comfortable around them. They’re someone you can open up to and share your true feelings — even if those feelings are negative. Maybe your fights are just a way for each of you to vent your frustrations because you feel like you can’t share them with anyone else.
Is Fighting Okay?
Again, even the happiest, healthiest couples fight. It’s how you fight that makes a difference, and that can set the tone for your relationship.
The most important thing you can do when arguing with your partner is to treat them with respect. Remember that you’re on the same team, even when it doesn’t feel like it. You might have different opinions on things, but at the end of the day, you have similar goals. Work on communicating with respect to reach those goals together rather than arguing about them. You undoubtedly want respect from them when you’re speaking, so give them the same.
When you choose to lead with respect and prioritize healthy communication, fighting in your relationship is perfectly normal. Arguing the right way can actually help you feel closer to your partner, strengthening your bond and your relationship, in general.
If you feel like your arguments aren’t healthy and tend to be unproductive, couples therapy can be an invaluable tool. Contact us today to schedule your first appointment.