Why is Dating So Hard?

Whether you’re jumping back into the world of dating for the first time in a long time or you’re returning home from yet another disastrous night out with your latest date, you probably have the same question: 

Why is dating so hard? 

It’s not just in your head. Dating can be extremely difficult for a variety of reasons. In a perfect world, things would work like a Hallmark movie, and the right people would get together at the right time. But that simply isn’t reality.

Understanding why dating is so difficult can help to shift your perspective and approach it differently. Let’s look at some of the reasons.

Great Expectations

One of the biggest reasons why dating today is so difficult is that people’s expectations are high. That includes personal expectations. Every time you go on a first date, you might tell yourself it could be the “last” first date you ever go on. This person could be “the one” for you. Even if that ends up being true, having that mindset before you go on a date creates a lot of pressure and high expectations for yourself and that individual that isn’t always easy to meet.

Society also sets expectations, and they can be a bit harder to navigate today than in years past. People have different views and opinions on what a relationship should look like. Gender norms and relationship roles are changing. If you have more traditional, heteronormative views, you might not line up with some shifting societal views, and that can create conflict on a date. 

Technology

Technology is supposed to make it easier to find people to date. In a sense, it does. Between dating apps and social media, there’s no shortage of options when it comes to meeting people in your area. 

Unfortunately, that’s part of the problem. 

Even if you only download one dating app, you’re bound to find dozens of people in your area. Even if you narrow it down to 10 people you’re interested in, that can still seem overwhelming — and new people could pop up at any time!

Things become more difficult when we have more choices. Think about how you feel at an ice cream shop. Choices are nice, but it would be much easier to choose quickly and feel more confident in your choice if there were only two flavors instead of a dozen or more. 

Technology also makes it difficult to really know someone right away. If you meet someone online, you’re really getting to know them through a lens they create. Social media is a highlight reel of people’s lives. Most people aren’t going to share horror stories about themselves, and they’re going to paint themselves in a positive light. 

If you use technology to help you date or to get to know people, take things with a grain of salt, and don’t get too caught up in what people say on dating profiles or social media. 

Too Much Pressure

Dating can become more difficult as you get older. The stakes can feel higher the older you are. You might feel like you have to find a partner quickly, or your next date has to be successful. 

Some of this pressure comes from societal norms. But, as people, we put a lot of it on ourselves. 

One of the best things you can do to not only make dating easier but to make it more enjoyable is to choose to have fun. Use it as a way to get to know people without any pressure or expectations. When you take those things off the table, you’re more likely to enjoy yourself. 

If dating is making you anxious or uncomfortable, therapy can help. Reach out today to see how we can help you navigate this adventure.