5 Ways to Talk to Your Partner About Your Relationship

Communication is one of the most important factors in a healthy relationship. Unfortunately, it’s not always easy. Maybe your past has made it hard for you to be vulnerable. Maybe you and your partner are both naturally quiet or don’t like confrontation. Whatever the issue, it’s imperative to be open in your relationship, especially when it comes to challenges in the relationship or ways you’d like your partner to support you.

Sometimes, talking about your relationship can seem overwhelming. However, it’s the best way to keep your attachment strong and your relationship honest. Let’s take a look at five ways to talk to your partner about your relationship and how they can boost your level of intimacy and trust.

1. Include some strengths

If you have an issue to address about your relationship, you might be worried that your whole conversation will be “gloom and doom.” You can make things easier on yourself and your partner by starting out the conversation with a positive. For example, if you’re not getting enough physical attention, you might start out by telling your partner how much you appreciate them showing you love in other ways before expressing your needs for more physical touch.

2. Remember to express a feeling and a need

Serious conversations can turn into the blame game very quickly if you aren’t careful. This can lead to unnecessary arguments and tension. You can avoid those issues by using “I” statements and telling your partner how you feel rather than saying things like “you always” or “you never.” When you start to point fingers, they’ll get defensive and might feel like they can’t do anything right. In addition, expressing what we need from our partner allows them to feel that they can do something to change and aren’t just being attacked. One example of this is saying “I feel very overwhelmed by all of the disorganization in the house. I need for you to spend one hour with me on Saturday going through the hall closet.”

3. Focus On One Issue

If you don’t have deep discussions as often as you should, it might be tempting to lay all of your cards on the table at once when you finally do sit down to talk. While it might seem cathartic to get everything out in the open, it’s more likely to cause stress for both of you. Instead, focus on one issue at a time. Doing so will keep you both from feeling overwhelmed. It will also help you work through the issue at hand in a healthier, more effective way so you don’t have to keep bringing it up.

4. Use the Right Tone of Voice

Whether you’re frustrated, hurt, or even confused, try to keep a neutral tone with your partner. Don’t yell, raise your voice, or come across as annoyed with your speech. That doesn’t mean you have to bite your tongue or dampen the truth. However, there’s rarely a reason to use anything other than an even, calm tone. Raising your voice will only stress you out and cause the situation to escalate.

5. Remember, You’re on the Same Team

Before you talk to your partner, remind yourself that you’re on the same team. Even if you disagree on things, and even if they upset you, you want the same things. You might just have different ways of getting to the same conclusions. When you remind yourself that you’re on the same team, you’re less likely to be accusatory, and they’re less likely to be defensive. 

Is it always easy to talk about your relationship? No. It can be especially difficult if you have trouble opening up and being vulnerable. However, by keeping these tips in mind and putting them into practice, you can have healthier conversations and more productive disagreements that will bring you closer as a couple. 

If you’re still struggling to open up with your partner, feel free to contact us to set up an appointment. Together, we’ll work on even more ideas and skills that can help to improve your conversations.