6 Steps to Fixing a Lack of Communication in Your Relationship
Communication is one of the most important factors in any successful relationship. It’s not just about talking and hearing what your partner has to say. Rather, it’s about listening and understanding. Without effective communication, you’re likely to have more arguments, confusion, and a lack of trust. Plus, communication builds intimacy, so when communication is tough, our relationships often feel flat.
If you’re worried about a lack of communication in your relationship, you’re certainly not alone. However, that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. Many communication issues can be remedied if you and your partner are willing to put in the work. With that in mind, let’s cover six steps to fixing a lack of communication in your relationship.
1. Process Your Feelings
Before you approach your partner about any communication issues in your relationship, consider how you feel. Think about what you need and want from your partner, and allow them to consider the same. Processing your emotions is a great way to keep an even tone and a cool head when you talk to your partner. When both of you decide to work on your communication skills, knowing what the other needs, you’ll have a road map that will make your efforts easier.
2. Listen Without Judgment
Sometimes, people in relationships don’t open up because they have difficulty being vulnerable. No matter how much you love someone, you might worry that they’ll judge certain thoughts or ideas you have. Unfortunately, this way of thinking often triggers communication issues. When your partner feels like you’re not being fully open with them, they might lose trust in you and the relationship. Talk to them about how you’re feeling and assume they are listening without judgment. When they open up to you, offer them the same kind of care and understanding.
3. Put Yourself in Their Shoes
A lack of communication can often lead to arguments. When people keep things inside for too long without expressing themselves, they can easily become irritable and “blow up.” If you argue frequently, try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Ask yourself why they’re so frustrated or where their anger is really stemming from. When you look at things from another perspective, you’ll be more open to communicating in healthy ways and even arguing effectively. Yes, some of the strongest, happiest couples in the world argue—they just do it the right way!
4. Be an Active Listener
Do you really listen to your partner? You might hear what they’re saying, but do they know that? Listening and hearing are two different things. Often, someone can tell the difference, and they know when their words aren’t being understood. Show your partner that you’re actively listening to what they say. Ask questions, use body language, and repeat certain statements, so they know you’re invested in whatever they’re saying. This isn’t just an exercise in appeasing your partner. By being an active listener, you’ll learn more about the person you love, which can build trust and intimacy.
5. Change Your Goals
It’s important to remember that you and your partner are on the same team. It might not always feel like that, but if you’re constantly butting heads or you think one of you always has to be right, it could be time to change your goals. Let go of the idea that you need power or control. No one should dominate a relationship. Instead, shift to goals of collaboration and compassion. Remember that even if you have different approaches to things, you ultimately have the same goals and can work together to achieve them.
6. Recognize It’s an Ongoing Effort
Working on a lack of communication issues in your relationship isn’t a quick fix. There’s no checklist to get through to ensure everything will be great for years to come. Active, effective communication requires consistency. It’s an ongoing effort that you and your partner should commit to for the rest of your relationship.
If you’re still worried about the lack of communication in your relationship and you don’t think you can fix it on your own, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. We have wonderful couples counselors who can coach you in imporivng your relationship. Learn more about us here!