How to Communicate With Your Partner When Hot-Tempered
Even the happiest, strongest couples argue sometimes. Chances are, you’re not going to see eye-to-eye with your partner on everything. If you did, you would never have room to grow as a couple.
In fact, some of those happy, strong couples you see are in such good positions because they know how to argue in a productive way.
Yes, there are productive methods for navigating conflict, but these methods are not easy to follow when you’re hot-tempered and angry. Whatever the reason, communicating with your partner when you’re angry is likely to do more harm than good.
So, how can you communicate effectively when you’re feeling hot-tempered?
Take a Step Back
One of the best things you can do if you’re feeling angry is to let your partner know you need some time to cool off.
That doesn’t mean you should brush your feelings under the rug or ignore them. It also doesn’t mean you should let your feelings fester. Instead, stepping away for a few minutes or hours can help you cool down, collect your thoughts, and let go of some of your anger.
When you’re able to recollect yourself, you can return to the conversation with a clearer head. You’ll be more likely to listen actively and express your feelings clearly.
Stay Focused on the Present
Anger is a powerful emotion. Because it can cause you to feel uneasy or hurt, you can project that onto others and want them to feel the same way. So, when you’re hot-tempered and trying to communicate with your partner, you might say or do things that are out of character.
That includes bringing up past hurts. Or, you might criticize them for things they did days, weeks, months, or even years ago — things that no longer impact your relationship.
You’ve probably heard the phrase “hurt people, hurt people.” That tends to be true when you’re angry. Do your best to stay focused on the present when you’re feeling angry. Don’t let those hot-tempered feelings pull you into the past and tempt you to say hurtful things.
Gain Control of Your Temper
If you tend to be hot-tempered frequently, consider finding ways to let go of stress and whatever tension might be causing it. Things like mindfulness, deep breathing, meditation, and yoga can all help you to relax. They can also help you focus on the present so your mind isn’t constantly referring back to the things that make you angry.
Letting go of tension and finding things that help you relax can be a great way to ensure your anger doesn’t keep building up. Without that build-up, you’re less likely to “attack” your partner when you’re communicating.
Get to the Root of the Issue
Is your partner the one causing your anger? Are you frustrated about work or other relationships? Is life just overwhelming and stressful?
Chances are, you’re hot-tempered for a reason. While all of these techniques can help you communicate with your partner more effectively, one of the best things you can do is to better understand why you’re feeling so angry.
Learning where that anger stems from can help you take control. When you feel like you’re in the driver’s seat, you’ll realize that your anger doesn’t have to control you. You’ll give it less power, which will make it less likely for you to explode when you’re communicating.
Thankfully, you don’t have to go on that journey of discovery alone. Working with a therapist is a great way to better understand the root cause of your anger. Therapy can also help you effectively manage it so you can practice healthy communication in your relationship. Reach out for help with bettering your communication with your partner today!