Keeping the Holidays Bright: How to Handle Difficult In-Laws

The holidays are finally here, and while it’s a great time of year to spend with your family, that might be exactly what you’re dreading about the season — especially if you have difficult in-laws. 

Dealing with in-laws is more than just a trope you see in movies. Everyone has different holiday traditions and ideas about how things should go. But, if your relationship with your in-laws is more strained than that, it can impact how much you enjoy the holidays. It could also have a negative impact on your marriage and cause tension or arguments. 

So, what can you do? How can you keep your holiday season merry and cope with difficult in-laws? 

Remember, You and Your Spouse Are a Team

As you go to your in-laws’ home or have them over to yours, remember that you and your partner are a unit. You should make a commitment ahead of time to handle things a certain way and stick to that plan.

It’s not always easy for someone to stand up to their parents, but it’s the right thing to do if they are creating issues within your marriage. Choose to be a fair, united front. Knowing you have that support from your spouse can make a big difference in how you feel. If you don’t work as a team, you’ll feel like you’re being ganged up on or that the things you feel don’t matter. No one deserves that.

Take a Break

While you shouldn’t watch the clock waiting for the moments to tick by until you can leave, it’s okay to take a break at a get-together if you feel yourself getting overly stressed. 

Maybe your in-laws are saying things that get under your skin. Maybe dealing with them for too long leaves you feeling overwhelmed. Take a five-minute break by stepping away. Get some fresh air. Go into another room. Take some deep breaths. Stepping away can help you clear your head. Not only will you feel calmer, but you’ll be less likely to say something you would regret later. 

Be Prepared

If you’re already dreading spending time with your in-laws, prepare yourself for the things that challenge you. Maybe they bring up certain topics that lead to heated arguments. Or, maybe you just don’t like your mother-in-law’s mashed potatoes, but you know if you don’t eat them, it will lead to another argument.

Before you spend time with them, mentally prepare yourself for what might come up. Create a plan and decide how you will handle those things.

At the end of the day, choose to be respectful. If your in-laws are purposefully being toxic and hurtful, that’s something you and your spouse need to discuss. A serious conversation should happen with your in-laws about their behavior and what needs to change. Setting boundaries for your marriage is healthy, and keeping people at arm’s length who are trying to do damage can help. 

But, if your in-laws are difficult because of different opinions or even a generational gap, give a little bit of grace. You don’t have to like the things they say and do, but if they’re not purposefully trying to sabotage anything, be as kind and respectful as possible. That doesn’t mean compromising your well-being or your relationship. Boundaries are still important. But respect can often go a long way in keeping family situations calm.

If you continue to struggle with difficult in-laws each year, make sure it’s an ongoing conversation you’re having with your spouse. Things might need to change for everyone to find some peace, and if you’re not consistently talking about it, you’re not going to be the united front you should be.