Raising Children; How to address “Little White Lies”

Finding out someone is lying to you can feel like a betrayal, no matter who it is. But, when it’s your child, it can sting just a little bit more. Not only does lying break trust, but you might start to worry that it will become a habit for them. 

Everyone has told a “little white lie” from time to time. As a child, getting away with a lie and seeing that it might keep you from getting in trouble or allowing you to get what you want can be appealing.

But it’s something that should be addressed right away. It can be tempting to let your emotions get the best of you but try to remain calm if you catch your child lying. When you approach the subject the right way, you’ll not only get to the truth, but you’ll teach a valuable lesson along the way. 

Determine Why They Lied

One of the first things you should do if you catch your child lying is try to understand why. Young children might just say the first thing that pops into their heads without thinking about it. Older children might lie to cover up behavioral issues. 

Getting to the root of the lie will also help you determine how serious it is. That will make your next steps easier to map out. For example, if you have a young child who made up a story for no real reason, you can correct them right away and talk to them about telling the truth. If your child intentionally lied to cover something up, a more serious discussion needs to occur. 

Don’t Punish Them

Catching an older child in a lie can be frustrating. They’re supposed to know better, right? You might be tempted to punish them for what they’ve done, but that’s not always the best route. 

In fact, punishment could lead to even more resentment and lying in the future. Instead, focus on how you can correct the behavior. Explain to them why lying is inappropriate and what it could lead to. Encourage them to tell you the truth and give them the opportunity to do so. Lying often comes with its own consequences, and the sooner a child realizes that, the more willing they’ll be to tell the truth, even when it isn’t easy. 

Be an Honest Role Model

While it might not always seem like it, your children want to be just like you in many ways. They’re watching what you do and listening to what you say, and they’re likely to respond to things similarly.

Make sure to tell the truth in your own life, especially when your kids are around. It’s also okay to open up to them about times you’ve lied about something in the past and what the consequences were. A conversation like this can help them understand that everyone makes mistakes, but there are lessons to be learned from those mistakes. 

When Should You Be Concerned?

If your child continues to lie frequently, especially if they’re demonstrating other concerning behaviors, there could be more psychological issues going on beneath the surface. They could be struggling with something they aren’t sure how to process and acting out inappropriately. 

If that sounds familiar, consider having them work with a mental health professional. Therapy is often a great way to get to the root cause of a problem, even in children. A therapist can help your child better understand what’s going on so they can learn how to work through their emotions in healthy, effective ways. 

It’s never easy to catch your child lying, but it can often be corrected with the right approach. Keep these tips in mind, and don’t hesitate to ask for help when needed.

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