The Importance of Healthy Conflict in a Relationship

It’s easy to dismiss any kind of conflict as something negative–especially in a relationship. After all, no one wants to argue with their partner, right?

However, there’s a difference between harmful and healthy conflict. Even the happiest couples in the world disagree sometimes. They argue. They have different opinions and beliefs. The difference is that they understand how to argue effectively instead of arguing to “win.” Healthy conflict can actually be a good thing in your relationship. When done correctly, it can increase your bond with your partner and strengthen you as an individual and a couple.

So, why is healthy conflict so important in a relationship, and how can you make sure you’re handling conflict the right way?

Healthy Conflict Keeps You in the Present

It’s not uncommon for arguments to cover a variety of subjects and time periods! If you start disagreeing with your partner about something, it can be very tempting to bring up old hurts that never got fully resolved. 

Unfortunately, that drags the argument into areas it doesn’t need to go. It also lets your partner know that you haven’t forgiven them or forgotten about something they did. They’ll likely think you’re holding a grudge or harboring some resentment toward them, even if it doesn’t come out every day. 

Healthy conflict stays in the present. You’ll talk about the subject at hand, work through it, and come to a resolution. 

There’s No “Hitting Below the Belt”

One of the most important aspects of healthy conflict in a relationship is that it’s respectful. Far too often, heated arguments result in name-calling or saying things you might later regret. When you choose to deal with conflict in a healthy way, you’ll respect your partner (and vice versa).

If you feel like you’re too angry to say anything without letting that anger get the best of you, agree to table the conversation for 30 minutes to an hour so you can both cool off. That doesn’t mean you ignore the subject or brush it under the rug. You can let your partner know you don’t want to say anything hurtful and need time to calm down. They’ll respect that, and you can both return to the conversation with clearer heads.

There Is No Winner

Healthy conflict doesn’t focus on who wins and loses. Instead, you work together to come up with a solution. Sometimes, you might get what you want. Sometimes, your partner will seemingly come out “on top.” More often than not, neither one of you will get everything you originally wanted, and you’ll be okay with that. It’s essential to recognize that you’re on the same team. You likely want many of the same things and have the same end goals but different ways of realizing them. 

When you go into your conversation with the mindset of being on the same team, you’re more likely to work together to come up with a resolution rather than spending the whole time butting heads. If things don’t turn out how you initially wanted, don’t let it bother you. Healthy conflict requires letting go and moving on when the time is right.

This kind of conflict can bring you closer to your partner in ways you never thought possible. It’s not realistic to assume that some relationships don’t deal with disagreements–they all do. When you’re able to get through those disagreements in healthy, effective ways, your relationship will be happy and strong, and you won’t have to dread the idea of conflict with your partner. 

If you’re struggling with healthy conflict or want to learn more about how to implement it in your relationship, please contact us for more information.